Come Home, We Love You

And so, the U.S.'s run in the World Cup ended in the Round of 16 match against Ghana. The excitement, enthusiasm, and hope I had after our unforgettable match against Algeria is gone. Sure I said that I was satisfied with U.S. advancing to Round of 16, but when things are going good, one can't help but want more. It was a miracle that we made it to this match. Even after we lost the first goal in the first five minutes, I thought it was going to be okay. The way the U.S. had been playing, they were good at digging themselves out of holes, especially in the second half. We have a way of pulling through when it counted the most. We like to keep everything suspenseful, and even if it seemed like all hope was lost, something amazing happens. Well, even until the very last minute of overtime, I still had hope that we would pull something like that again. But the whistle was blown, and everything ended. Even if we won this round, we wouldn't have went much further if we only counted on adrenaline, stress, and last minute miracles.

The disappointment the U.S. team must feel....it breaks my heart. Their goal was to get to the Round of 16, which they did. But still, it must feel like a lost opportunity. Donovan, who has been through so much these past 4 years deserved another glorious moment, just as he did 2 days ago. To see him kneel on the field in disappointment is just to heartbreaking to watch. I hope they know that America is still proud of them, and they should be proud of themselves. We'll only get stronger, you just wait and see.

Landon Donovan, come home. L.A. misses you. and we still love you more than ever.

When Cancer Has A Face

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." - Kirby Puckett

Lately, I've just been surrounded by cancer. I did not think it was going to be easy shadowing at the pediatric oncology clinic. But no matter how much you emotionally prepare for something like this, it's not going to be easy. When you meet people, feelings become involved. Whether it's being in a room with them for 20 minutes or simply shaking their hand and exchanging a few words, human emotions become involved. Just a short encounter is more than enough to put a face on cancer. And when cancer has a face and name, everything becomes different. I can never think about "cancer" the same way. The word is now vivid, with personalities and stories, and remembered with a little heartache.

Last weekend, it was my first time doing Relay for Life. It was an interesting experience. Several times throughout the 24 hours, I found myself overwhelmed by the number of people out there -- all supporting a common cause. As I was waiting in line for dinner, I remember looking at the tremendously long line and thinking, "Wow, all these people raised at least $100 for this cause." All those people cared. Just when I think that compassion is becoming a rare commodity in the world nowadays, something like this happens. I'm truly moved.

Anyway, Relay was very fun. Our team raised a lot of money because of these super cute cupcakes that someone's sister made. The track had these annoying white rails that lined the innermost lane of the track, which look like the lane itself. I tripped at least five times during my time at the track. And the track had this weird trench area, which was obvious and never a problem in the daylight. But after the Luminaria ceremony at night, I almost landed on my face as I tripped into the lower ground. Pissed off as I was, I was complaining about the hazardous track to my friend when a random hole decided to form out of nowhere on the field that caused me to--yes, trip. Later that night, Gordon and I were playing frisbee on the field. For some reason, the universe decided that it would be a good idea for the night to be unusually cold, resulting in crazy amounts of condensation--everywhere. The field looked like it was rained on, and as a result, I fell on the grass twice and looked like a fool because no one else fell at all. And this morning, as I was recollecting the weekend and counting the number of times I fell/tripped, I slipped over a really, really small puddle. True story. I think I tripped/slipped/fell more times during the recent 24-hr Relay than I did in the past 2 years before it.

A Rollercoaster of a Night

I don't know why people are surprised, but shouldn't we have all realized that it was going to come to this? An untreated blood clot in the brain, isn't that a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode? The incompetent doctor...one month wait for the neurologist...surgery versus no surgery...we all should have known that this was going to happen.

Frank first called me at 9:47 pm. He asked me where J was, and coincidentally, she just left the room 2 minutes ago. And suddenly, it became near impossible to contact her. I asked him what was wrong, and he was reluctant to tell me at first, but then he told me he just had a stroke. I kept talking to him on the phone, and maybe five minutes later, he was telling me he was bleeding from his ears...and soon his mouth, nose, and eyes. All that was going through my mind was when the ambulance was going to get there. He of course was freaking out because he couldn't get through to J. Meanwhile in the room, we were frantically calling everyone in J's ministry to try to get in contact with J. Apparently, they were in church and no one was picking up. Thank goodness Frank still had enough consciousness to tell me the username and password to get inside the ministry website, so I could have access to the roster will all the contact information. I don't know whether it's a coincidence or all in some superior power's plan, but the only reason why I knew of the existence of such a roster was because earlier in the day, I was being nosy and reading what J was writing on the ministry forum. She happened to use an acronym "CIR" or something which meant, "contact information on roster." If she didn't tell me this, there was no way I would have known how to contact her.

So after 10 calls or so, we finally reached someone who happened to be in the same room with J. But just before then, I was on the phone with Frank, and he was going through some serious emotions. He was scared, of course he was. He didn't understand why the doctors weren't doing anything. One of the first doctors to see him said that there was nothing that could be done, and he might not make it. For some reason, Frank told me that he had 10 minutes (of life) left, and all I could do was cry with him. He couldn't understand why J couldn't be there for him when he needed her most. All I could say to comfort him was, "Just wait, don't worry, we're almost there."

I don't know what it feels like when someone tells you, you have 10 more minutes to life. But whatever it was, I could feel some of that as I was on the phone with him, and it was devastating and heart breaking.

They managed to drain the blood that was filling his brain, which saved his life. From what I could understand, the blood clot in his brain is now gone, and things should be fine. It's insane to think that it took almost dying for him to get better. Hopefully, the toughest hurdle has been overcome and it will only be uphill from here.

He didn't want us to visit him in the hospital, but we're going to see him tomorrow when he's discharged. Now that they say he's going to be okay, all Frank can think about is about his assignment that is due next week. Are you serious? He should seriously get his priorities straight. It's all this stress that led to a situation like tonight in the first place.

P.S. His assignment was an anthropology essay about the cemetery. Like, seriously? After a night like tonight, I would not be so eager to visit the cemetery. Talk about a hardcore student.

Is it wrong to love Darth Vader?

I just finished watching Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi, which completes my spring break marathon of Star Wars. I've been working on the muscular dystrophy project since Wednesday, and it's been sucking the life out of me. Since I procrastinated all quarter, I suppose working right when I wake up until I go to bed every day for five days straight is an appropriate punishment. I thought it was going to be easier, but I was wrong. After every image, I wanted to cry just thinking about the next one. But I made it more bearable. I'm an excellent multi-tasker, thus I was able to watch Star Wars as I was doing this. Although not the complete experience, since I listened more than I watched. So now I can finally say, "Yes, I know what Star Wars was about."

It probably made a difference that I watched I, II, and III before IV, V, and VI. I was completely sympathetic to Anakin. I was never able to hate Darth Vader, because everything Anakin did up to be point when he became Darth Vader, was out of love. He loved his mother, Padme, and even Obi-wan so much. It broke my heart when everything he treasured slipped through his fingers. The true villain of course, is the Sith Lord, the only character I hate. Is it wrong to love Darth Vader, or rather, Anakin? He was born as Anakin Skywalker, and died Anakin Skywalker, so this is what I'll call him from now on. "Darth Vader" was Anakin's despair, when everything he loved was taken away from him. Unlike Luke, Anakin's heart was weak, unable to bear pain and suffering. I really feel for him.

Other things happened since my last post too. But I got too much Star Wars on my mind to either remember or care.

Monster

12 hours of intense studying, and more to go. Just thinking about rereading my lecture slides makes me so sad, but it must be done. As I was studying, I realized how much I didn't understand when I was taking my second midterm for this class, which makes me even more sad. I'm an avoider, so I avoided getting my second midterm back so I still don't know how I did. I thought it did average, but after my intense day of studying, I'm pretty sure I didn't. "Food for Finals" was today, and this time, they gave us this Monster energy drink. I drank it, nothing happened, so disappointed. I mean, with a name like "Monster Hitman: Energy Shooter," you would think otherwise. Or maybe I'm the real monster here. The little monster energy drink is no match for the big sleepy monster.

Frankster Update: The doctor said there's nothing wrong with him, and his symptoms are normal symptoms for a blood clot, and that it would go away on its own. Since when did having seizure-like symptoms out of nowhere, fainting, tremendous weight loss, and chorea considered "normal." He's suffering like fuck, and there's seriously nothing you can prescribe to treat him? You incompetent son of a bitch. I told Frankster to get a second consult, but he dismisses the idea. This deep bond of trust between Koreans and their common regard of all others as untrustworthy is baffling to me. On one hand, when I think about their history, I do get it. But on the other hand, I totally don't.

My mom called me while I was studying.

"My friend gave me some music, it won't play on the computer."

"Oh."

"I dragged it and it won't play."

"I don't know, mom."
"Can you tell me how to fix it?"

"I don't even know what's wrong."

"It won't play."

"I have to see it to help you."

"So how do you make it play?"

"........................"

On Edge

Everyone's on edge when it comes to Frank. About half an hour ago, I went to check on him, and I saw that he shuffled, so I assumed he was alright. But Aqsa woke up, and seemed alarm that someone just came in the room.

"Jess, is that you?"

"Uh...yes..." and I leave the room quickly.

I am such a creeper. I sneak into people's rooms late at night and stare at them and leave. About 5 minutes ago, Aqsa just came in our room and asked to check on Frank because he was really restless. This boy needs to see the neurologist soon. Everyone's on edge and scared.

Henna Party!

Bunch of cool stuff at floor meeting today. There was nutella! People were super excited, even though I couldn't see what the hype was all about. I like chips, which I was more excited about. And then, there was henna. This was what I got. I kinda wish it was black, so badass with my flowery designs.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

In other news, I hope G won't be broken. I can't see him broken, it will destroy me. I hate what she's doing to him. If it was anyone else, there would have already been a showdown. But G is so sweet, and frankly, passive boy. She will tear his heart apart, and guess whose going to have to pick up the pieces? Then again, some part of me thinks that M and J are meant to be together. Who knows.

I think Frank's problems act up at night, around 3-4 am. Last night, he had temporary paralysis throughout his whole body, and he had difficulty breathing for half an hour. He couldn't move, so he wasn't able to call for help. Andie suggested that Jess gets a baby monitor as a joke, but it actually makes a lot of sense. Jess was looking into getting one, which would probably destroy any man-pride that is left in Frank. Because of last night, we decided that we would all watch over Frank to make sure he's still alive. I was left with this post-it note on my desk:

"Remember 2 check on Frank. Get a chair or step on his desk to look over his bed. Get Rus 4 help if needed."

It's so serious, I'm even given precise directions on how to look over a top bunk bed. We're all very concerned about Frank. Jess called the hospital again to see if they could move up the neurologist appointment, but they said no, and if anything serious happens, go to the ER. I mean, seriously? This boy has suffocation episodes while suffering from paralysis at the same time, and he had an incident where he couldn't open his eyes in the middle of driving. It's so obvious to everyone that this is very life threatening, but they still refuse to see him earlier. If this is our health system, then it's quite clear to me that reform is needed. It doesn't make any sense to me why someone whose life is clearly in danger, and the people who we have entrusted our lives to when we need them the most don't seem to care enough.

Frankster

Frank is going through some serious health problems right now. A lump formed on the back of his neck, which was diagnosed as a blood clot. Ever since the "blood clot," he's been experiencing some pretty dangerous symptoms. In the beginning, he had an episode where he had difficult breathing, in which he fainted shortly after. Since then, he has been having headaches throughout the day. Most recently, he's hands have been twitching. Last night, as he was pulling into the garage, he suddenly was unable to open his eyelids; his mother had to help him park the car. He's been feeling numbness in his face and limbs, and it seems the symptoms are worsening to which each day.

Last night, as we were all going through his, Jessica ended up calling the ambulance to his house. He became very angry, and Jess said, "What am I suppose to do? What am I suppose to do when your hand is twitching?" It was so heartbreaking to watch. I don't think his parents see the seriousness of the situation because he isn't expressing it to them. Jessica is carrying all this burden and it's too much for her to handle. I kept telling her that she did the right thing. I would have done the same thing in her position. This is something you can brush off as nothing. It's no fucking flu. Thank God he reached his garage before he lost the ability to open his eyes and move his hands. What if he was in the freeway or in the middle of driving? Can't his parents see how dangerous this situation is? Poor Jess is worried that Frank is going to die, and she can't understand why his parents aren't doing anything about it. It's a month-long wait to see the neurologist, what are we suppose to do before then?

Blowfish Harnett

New shoes, again!

After searching far and wide (on the internet), I finally found my love, the Blowfish Harnett! I first laid eyes on it during my last trip to DSW, but I didn't buy it because it was not in my size. But I went home, and found it.

I bought these Madden shoes on Ebay. I think I'm going a little bit crazy with shoes.

Next Stop: Europe. Actually, I pick Indonesia again.

• Create your own travel map or travel blog


• Vacation rentals at TripAdvisor

Domination

YouTube - kesha tik tok (cover)

This is why I hate the internet, I truly do. There's really no reason why people need to be so mean. The internet makes people feel safe to show their true colors. They can be as cruel as they want and suffer no consequences. It is a hate machine where civility, courtesy, and principles come to die. It truly breaks my heart. Where did 18 years of parenting go?

It is disgusting how people get some kind of sick satisfaction.

"I looked at my life and it will never be as bad as what this girl sees in the mirror." -Fonzie12343

Like, seriously? Did you just say that? I can't fathom how anyone would think it's okay to say something so cruel. The comments about her looks and singing, most people come to the same conclusion. Whether to say anything inappropriate is what separates the douchebags and people who know better. Every time this happens, and it happens quite often, it breaks my heart. How do you defend someone from a mob? How can people attack someone so harmless?

In other news, I played root beer pong with my floor yesterday. Andie and I, the "David Stompers," totally stomped David. We had no intention of winning, and frankly, Andie's confidence was negative if it was possible to have something less than zero confidence. She kept wanting us to leave, but I couldn't understand why she wanted to leave without even trying. I would have been happy if I made just one.

David is someone on our floor who teases Andie a lot. He has played beer pong plenty of times, which is probably why Andie had no confidence. He kept saying how he was going to dominate us, which is why Andie decided on the name "David Stompers" as a joke, even though we didn't expect to win.

It turns out, I have pretty good hand-eye coordination. The "David Stompers" stomped David real good. Andie didn't make any in the beginning, but she was getting better and better. Sometimes she was too nervous, so I coached her through it. It must have been pretty disgusting to watch us play. It was full of, "It's okay, you'll make it next time," "You can do it, I believe in you!" And when we finally won, we were jumping up and down and giving each other double high-fives. Everyone rooted for us because we were the underdogs. They kept explaining these strange rules to us, and I would respond with, "This game is confusing..." *furl brow* My favorite R.A., Omar, was supportive of me, which made me really happy.

"It's okay, Andie, she's got your back."

"Nancy dominates!" x 50 throughout the whole game and the next round, where we lost by 1 cup.

I heart Omar.

Chinese New Year!

Our small family of four gathered for the Chinese New Year's Eve meal. Meals with the brother either turn out really awkward for me, or very, very hilarious. Yesterday, it was the less fun one. He's trying to convince my parents to do the less expensive option of fixing my jaw, which is to not fix it at all. I'm not quite sure how I feel about all this. On one hand, I really want to fix my awkward profile face. But I also don't want to use my parents' money when there's not a lot to go around. I know my parents want to because they adore me to death, but ultimately I get to decide whether to green light it or not. They keep saying like I'm going to pay them back when I become a doctor, something I'm not even sure about anymore. Not because I've lost the passion for medicine or helping people, but because of the cost of medical school and the time it will take to get there. Just thinking about the crazy debt I'll be in already puts me in depression.

And then there's the other thing on my mind. Right now, I feel like everything has led up to this point. When I think about it, it makes so much sense, but to pursue it would be foolish. So all I can do is pursue a future that will kill me for the next decade while hoping that the foolishness I'm working on the side will be my savior. Because of genuine love for the characters and story, I really can't give up. To do so would be to betray myself and all that I am.

.. .

Chinese People Loves Flowers and Fruits

Steve Madden Baby

Went to the orthodontist. I'm high maintenance, it'll cost me near $10,000 to fix me. Left, went to Union Square and saw food. Was in a hurry to go home to study, then, my mom took me to DSW. Huge mistake. When I was in the shoe store, it was like "Fuck UCLA, fuck my midterms. Shoes." I was crazy in there, my mom knows better than to bring me in there again.

Dance Marathon Benefit

Anh is my favorite, marry me. I love Bruin Harmony.

Love his solos.

"Tote Bag" Tote Bag

She's so tired, don't want to wake her up yet for dinner, so I'll just make a short post. Yesterday I made a tote bag with my floor. It's part of the whole green thing, whatever that is. Isn't mine super creative? Andie told me to draw the Louis Vuitton logo on it. I wanted to, but the front side didn't dry so I couldn't.

I'm almost going home soon for Chinese New Year and Single's Awareness day! My second round of midterms are coming up, tears tears.

I hate being team leader, it stresses me out.

I'm super excited for my super secret project. I'm getting a lot of inspiration these days.

My brother send me a link cryingwife.com. Basically, this husband records his super emotional wife watching movies. It's kind of funny to watch. My favorite line so far, "Does R2D2 get put back together?" Haha, adorable. He sent me the link because I'm known to be super emotional too when I'm watching movies. In fact, I was watching Crying Wife watch the ending of LOTR, and when I heard the music and saw that she was crying, I started to cry too. I was crying watching Crying Wife. Pathetic, I know. Someone please bitchslap me back to my mother's womb to get better genes.

Is it that easy to get published?

Thirsty Thursdays! Last Thursday was my first time. It was fun to loosen up. A shot of gin and rum...it was kind of difficult to hide my disgust every time I took a drink. I don't plan to do this very often, but I did do it to see what it was like. I don't ever plan to be drunk in public, it is quite humiliating. I remember the couple people who were seriously drunk and vomiting on themselves totally ruined everybody's mood. I don't know whether we reeked of alcohol when we returned, but my roommate knew. She was overly kind to us, had long talks with her Christian boyfriend outside in the hall, and started pestering Andie to go to church. According to her standards, we are already damned for an eternity in hell, stop trying to save us.

The first chapter of the "Shadow Souls," the new installment of "Vampire Diaries" has been released. I've never even heard of the series until I watched the series on the CW. The first episode was pretty awkward, but it progressed and has improved a lot. I'm hooked! In my quest for more and more spoilers on the upcoming episode, I found myself looking into the original books themselves. It is probably one of those rare instances where the small/big screen portrayal of the story is SO much better than the book. It was awful. I could barely read the first chapter without deciding whether to crack up or turn away in disgust. I thought Stephanie Meyer was bad, but at least she was bearable (almost). These women are so obsessed with beauty and all they do is write about vanity. Would Bella love Edward if he was ugly if ugly vampires were possible? All she really does is obsess about Edward's sparkles and worry about aging. That bitch, I hate her.

I can do better, and I will.

Where's Kanye when you need him?

I just finished watching the highlights of last night's Grammy's. I also spent a buttload of time watching vlogs that ranted about Taylor Swift winning Album of the Year because it calmed me that other people (most) felt the same way. In my world, its almost unfathomable why anyone else by Lady Gaga would win an award that she was nominated in. But to be fair, I would have understood if Black Eyed Peas or Beyonce won, but no, it had to be that teenybopper that sings mediocre music. Sure her songs are fun to sing to, but no one is really a fan, unless you're a tween who still thinks music is about looking pretty. Taylor, seriously, this is called media backlash from overexposure. I'm glad her publicist are getting her off the spotlight, I've sure had enough of her. She should be thankful she didn't win more Grammy's. That poor girl couldn't handle all the criticism. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wished Kanye was drunk at an award show again.

And seriously Taylor, can you stop acting surprised every time you win something. I mean, you've already won a bunch. If you keep doing this, people might actually realize you're faking it. Oh wait, they already do.

How many lives does it take to catch the world's attention?

I went to a benefit today for Haiti. I was quite amazed at the turnout. We are in a time and place where everything that is done is for one's benefit. People say we are selfish creatures in a cruel world, doing what needs to be done to get ahead and stepping on those they are left behind. But in days like this, I can't really see it. People came today, because they wanted to. It was sincerity. No one there was thinking about themselves, for the first time in who knows how long, people were thinking about others. So, how many lives does it take to capture world's attention? How many lives does it take for us to remember?

Haiti is the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, yet very few cared until the disaster strikes. I'll admit it. The country of Haiti has never crossed my mind before the recent earthquake. When I think about it, my concern for the Haitians right now is probably fueled by my guilt from years of ignorance. The people of Haiti have always suffered. Everyday, people are dying of malnutrition. Yet, I've never really thought about it. Why did it have to take hundred of thousands of lives to get my attention? It's everywhere...on the news, on the internet...the images of death and destruction, of grief and despair. I hear it now, their cry for help. It's loud now, amplified by the press, celebrities, and coffee breaks. But haven't they always cried for help? We've ignored them for as long as possible, until thousands of mothers and fathers shove the bodies of their dead children in our faces, across every living room television, magazine cover and the front page of every newspaper, did we respond.

Perhaps some good can come out of such a catastrophe. The world's eyes are on Haiti now. But the question is, for how long?

Oh yeah, I made this at the benefit. I think this is more Mardi Gras, then Haitian.

You must think I'm a fool.

What are these people thinking? I always get these emails in my spam folder, and I always get a kick out of it. I can't fathom anyone falling for this, like seriously.

"I am very sorry if I may violate your policy....I am Miss Elizabeth Akai, 21 years old and the only daughter of my late parents Dr.and Mrs. Akai Morrison My father was a highly reputable Business Magnate-(a Crude Oil Merchant) in the capital of GABON...i really need your help in transferring the sum of (2.5 million dollars) into a foriegn country...Your share reward & compensation is 30% while 70% for me and my investment, transaction is 100% risky free...please do not turn me down because you are the God's sent that can help me out."

Advice: (1) Proof-read much? (2) Stop insulting my intelligence.

Living

I'm usually quite content just sitting peacefully in my room without a place to be or things to do. But tonight, I remember what it was like to have "fun." Andie and I decided to attend the Bruin Ball hosted by GOC. We were reluctant to go since it was GOC, but it turned out to be quite fun. Rus and Aqsa went as well. By the time we got there, it was 10ish, but time flew back. By the time we left, it was almost 2am. Of course I was tired, but I didn't realize it until the event was over. Between screaming and cheering for the sophmore class and playing ice hockey, the excitement made me feel like I could go on forever. It's been awhile since I was social. For the longest time, I have had a selected few close friends, and I was content with that. I actually prefer it this way. But I forgot what it was like to scream your lungs out with a hundred other people. I forgot was it was to chat and mingle with others, even though you've never seen them before. I forgot how exhilarating playing a competitive sport with others can be. I didn't know I missed it until tonight. I always believed that my body was too lazy to move, but perhaps I've been holding back. It's late, so I'll end this entry with a couple adjectives that are running through my head right now: liberating, exciting, fun, overjoyed, living.

Elated

Happiness. It's amazing how simple words can bring someone so much happiness. How are words on a screen processed in the mind, and through some intricate processes, bring the feeling of joy?

I was just talking with my little brother, Bayu online. He's so cute, now he has a girlfriend! I love ibu, bapak, and Bayu completely. Bapak always says "Thank you for remembering us." He doesn't realize that it's near impossible to forget about them. I don't think they have a full understanding about how much joy their generosity has brought me. I don't think they realize that I can never forget about them. I have a picture of them sitting on my desk right now and wallet size copy of that in my wallet.

"You are the best sister." -Bayu

Yes, those were the words that sent me sky high and smiling until now. It took me awhile to calm down, but I responded, "You are the best sister too." I love that boy to pieces. Sure he's a little rebellious and always carry this "I'm too cool for this world" attitude, but he's such as sweetheart when you get to know him.

I will work hard, so one day soon, I will see these people again. They're physically so far away, but always so close to my heart.

Drowsy

Can I win this? I say "yes!" Positive thinking all the way. I'm on the verge of getting sick. Of course, I'm sure the fact that both my roommates came back sick from winter break had something to do with it. My throat is a bit itchy and I'm tired even more easily. So I've been downing some Vitamin C tablets, orange juice, and medicine.

So recently, I've been talking about someone a lot lately. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the small crush I have ;-) But the thing is, other people are starting to notice. It's kind of embarrassing considering the situation. Even though it's pretty difficult not to think about him, I haven't talked about him all day today. It's dangerous to keep your heart on your sleeve. It makes you vulnerable. Yesterday, mother encouraged me to find a boyfriend before it's too late. She says she doesn't want to wait for me to be 30 to be married. I don't like it when she speaks in that way. I worry enough about the fleeting years. I can't stand it when they talk about that mortality, just thinking about it is enough to drown me in sadness. I'd like to find him too. But is there really someone for everyone? Then why do people die alone?

I Break Things

Hi, I break stuff. Maybe that's how I should introduce myself to others now. My mom asked me how I do it, and I don't know either. In high school, I broke my flip phone in half and used the bottom half for half a year. Now, I'm going to keep a list.

1. Foot Massager (Winter Break 2009/ Stepped on it too hard, i.e. too fat)

2. Rice Cooker (Winter Break 2009/ Set stuff on fire, melted the cooker)

FUBAR

I'm back in L.A. I was hoping to go back early so that I'll have maybe a day and a half of peace -- I was wrong. I suppose great minds think alike. Many people are already back, possibly to avoid the insane traffic tomorrow. My neighbor "Mundane" is back, and already his girlfriend is over there. I really hate her voice, it drives me freakin' insane. Is it possible for people to be whiny 24/7? She could say "hi," and I feel like punching her face. I'm really moody right now. I know people are like to socialize or whatnot, but I'm a homebody. I could find happiness in a place where there was not a soul for a one mile radius for awhile. Other than noise, I'm still bothered about school matters. The peak of my depression is over, I turned it down a notch. I now stand on a plateau of constant unsatisfaction with life. Save me. And save that girl from being shot with a bazooka.

I'm trying to blog more. The other day, Morgan and I were reminiscing about high school. She was talking about the first and only time she received detention and how I was there documenting the extraordinary with my camera phone. But we couldn't quite remember the reason. We think it was because we were late, but Dr. Pacovsky let us go, but Mrs. Beck didn't. But then why was Morgan the only one doing it? We couldn't quite put the pieces together. It saddens me. Life is passing me by so quickly. High school feels like yesterday, but the memories are fleeting. So I've decided to write them down :-) Time is passing too quickly, and it scares me. I want my parents to live forever.