Our small family of four gathered for the Chinese New Year's Eve meal. Meals with the brother either turn out really awkward for me, or very, very hilarious. Yesterday, it was the less fun one. He's trying to convince my parents to do the less expensive option of fixing my jaw, which is to not fix it at all. I'm not quite sure how I feel about all this. On one hand, I really want to fix my awkward profile face. But I also don't want to use my parents' money when there's not a lot to go around. I know my parents want to because they adore me to death, but ultimately I get to decide whether to green light it or not. They keep saying like I'm going to pay them back when I become a doctor, something I'm not even sure about anymore. Not because I've lost the passion for medicine or helping people, but because of the cost of medical school and the time it will take to get there. Just thinking about the crazy debt I'll be in already puts me in depression.
And then there's the other thing on my mind. Right now, I feel like everything has led up to this point. When I think about it, it makes so much sense, but to pursue it would be foolish. So all I can do is pursue a future that will kill me for the next decade while hoping that the foolishness I'm working on the side will be my savior. Because of genuine love for the characters and story, I really can't give up. To do so would be to betray myself and all that I am.
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