Is it wrong to love Darth Vader?

I just finished watching Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi, which completes my spring break marathon of Star Wars. I've been working on the muscular dystrophy project since Wednesday, and it's been sucking the life out of me. Since I procrastinated all quarter, I suppose working right when I wake up until I go to bed every day for five days straight is an appropriate punishment. I thought it was going to be easier, but I was wrong. After every image, I wanted to cry just thinking about the next one. But I made it more bearable. I'm an excellent multi-tasker, thus I was able to watch Star Wars as I was doing this. Although not the complete experience, since I listened more than I watched. So now I can finally say, "Yes, I know what Star Wars was about."

It probably made a difference that I watched I, II, and III before IV, V, and VI. I was completely sympathetic to Anakin. I was never able to hate Darth Vader, because everything Anakin did up to be point when he became Darth Vader, was out of love. He loved his mother, Padme, and even Obi-wan so much. It broke my heart when everything he treasured slipped through his fingers. The true villain of course, is the Sith Lord, the only character I hate. Is it wrong to love Darth Vader, or rather, Anakin? He was born as Anakin Skywalker, and died Anakin Skywalker, so this is what I'll call him from now on. "Darth Vader" was Anakin's despair, when everything he loved was taken away from him. Unlike Luke, Anakin's heart was weak, unable to bear pain and suffering. I really feel for him.

Other things happened since my last post too. But I got too much Star Wars on my mind to either remember or care.

Monster

12 hours of intense studying, and more to go. Just thinking about rereading my lecture slides makes me so sad, but it must be done. As I was studying, I realized how much I didn't understand when I was taking my second midterm for this class, which makes me even more sad. I'm an avoider, so I avoided getting my second midterm back so I still don't know how I did. I thought it did average, but after my intense day of studying, I'm pretty sure I didn't. "Food for Finals" was today, and this time, they gave us this Monster energy drink. I drank it, nothing happened, so disappointed. I mean, with a name like "Monster Hitman: Energy Shooter," you would think otherwise. Or maybe I'm the real monster here. The little monster energy drink is no match for the big sleepy monster.

Frankster Update: The doctor said there's nothing wrong with him, and his symptoms are normal symptoms for a blood clot, and that it would go away on its own. Since when did having seizure-like symptoms out of nowhere, fainting, tremendous weight loss, and chorea considered "normal." He's suffering like fuck, and there's seriously nothing you can prescribe to treat him? You incompetent son of a bitch. I told Frankster to get a second consult, but he dismisses the idea. This deep bond of trust between Koreans and their common regard of all others as untrustworthy is baffling to me. On one hand, when I think about their history, I do get it. But on the other hand, I totally don't.

My mom called me while I was studying.

"My friend gave me some music, it won't play on the computer."

"Oh."

"I dragged it and it won't play."

"I don't know, mom."
"Can you tell me how to fix it?"

"I don't even know what's wrong."

"It won't play."

"I have to see it to help you."

"So how do you make it play?"

"........................"

On Edge

Everyone's on edge when it comes to Frank. About half an hour ago, I went to check on him, and I saw that he shuffled, so I assumed he was alright. But Aqsa woke up, and seemed alarm that someone just came in the room.

"Jess, is that you?"

"Uh...yes..." and I leave the room quickly.

I am such a creeper. I sneak into people's rooms late at night and stare at them and leave. About 5 minutes ago, Aqsa just came in our room and asked to check on Frank because he was really restless. This boy needs to see the neurologist soon. Everyone's on edge and scared.

Henna Party!

Bunch of cool stuff at floor meeting today. There was nutella! People were super excited, even though I couldn't see what the hype was all about. I like chips, which I was more excited about. And then, there was henna. This was what I got. I kinda wish it was black, so badass with my flowery designs.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

In other news, I hope G won't be broken. I can't see him broken, it will destroy me. I hate what she's doing to him. If it was anyone else, there would have already been a showdown. But G is so sweet, and frankly, passive boy. She will tear his heart apart, and guess whose going to have to pick up the pieces? Then again, some part of me thinks that M and J are meant to be together. Who knows.

I think Frank's problems act up at night, around 3-4 am. Last night, he had temporary paralysis throughout his whole body, and he had difficulty breathing for half an hour. He couldn't move, so he wasn't able to call for help. Andie suggested that Jess gets a baby monitor as a joke, but it actually makes a lot of sense. Jess was looking into getting one, which would probably destroy any man-pride that is left in Frank. Because of last night, we decided that we would all watch over Frank to make sure he's still alive. I was left with this post-it note on my desk:

"Remember 2 check on Frank. Get a chair or step on his desk to look over his bed. Get Rus 4 help if needed."

It's so serious, I'm even given precise directions on how to look over a top bunk bed. We're all very concerned about Frank. Jess called the hospital again to see if they could move up the neurologist appointment, but they said no, and if anything serious happens, go to the ER. I mean, seriously? This boy has suffocation episodes while suffering from paralysis at the same time, and he had an incident where he couldn't open his eyes in the middle of driving. It's so obvious to everyone that this is very life threatening, but they still refuse to see him earlier. If this is our health system, then it's quite clear to me that reform is needed. It doesn't make any sense to me why someone whose life is clearly in danger, and the people who we have entrusted our lives to when we need them the most don't seem to care enough.