To love, to Happiness, to Indonesia

It's so ironic that the greatest pain in the world stems from our love. An inherent contradiction in this joke that is the world. The heavy feeling in my heart that I was too scared to name manifested itself in the phone call I had just now with my parents in the simple form of tears. As I spoke of my bapak, ibu, and adik, as if it was only natural, my voice started breaking without my control and the next thing I knew, there was suddenly a reason why I needed to use my sleeve to wipe my face. The love I gave them, I gave it all without restraint, without second thought, without caution. Now that my heart is slowly breaking into pieces every time I go to sleep, knowing that I have one less day in their home, do I regret it? Do I regret loving them? No. That's like saying I regret every laugh I have shared with them, every prank we've pulled on one another, every family outing, and every single piece of happiness I have had in these past 1.5 months. No, it's only as painful as I was happy. To know that it hurts me to much, I should be grateful that I was able to feel the same magnitude of joy and happiness. Their memory will be with me forever. To Indonesia, where my love will always remain.

In other news, last weekend, I found paradise. Seriously, it was like I landed in a Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I got off the boat, walked the white sands, and asked my buddy, "Where's Johnny Depp?" I'll talk more about my weekend in paradise next time. Heartbreak and paradise don't mix too well together in the same post, they'll only take away from each other.

The Flying Hippo

Yesterday, I went to Simpang Lima in Semarang all by my onesy-self. Very surprisingly, the conductor spoke to me in Indonesia. As of course, my response as usual was a "???" I really didn't want to do this, but I was convinced otherwise. My friend was visiting Semarang and really wanted to hang out with people, and although I kept saying that it was difficult for me to go by myself and return by myself so late at night, I did it anyway against my better judgment. So I wandered the mall for awhile, it was very nice. It's difficult for me to go shopping with other people besides my mother. Thus, at last, it took me three visits to the mall before I actually enjoyed it. Although it may just be my imagination, I think maybe going to malls by yourself is a rare thing because I attracted a lot of unusual glances. After awhile, I met up with my friend and watched "Harry Potter: The half-blood prince." Hilarious, but dark movie to say the least. I'll always remember watching Harry Potter in Indonesia, as I remember watching the Dark Knight in San Diego.

It's almost 10 PM here in Ungaran, Indonesia. Today was the most awesome day ever. Finally, I visit Sidomukti with Hera. Flying fox was ....awesome. I feel like some sort of fangirl blogging about an encounter with a tween superstar at a movie premiere. As I was high in the sky, moving across from hilltop to hilltop with only air separating me from the ground below, I could not help but laugh. I screamed at first because I don't like surprises much, and for some reason, it surprised me how short the duration of anticipation lasted and the conductor behind me just pushed me off the edge. But as I 'flew,' I could not help but feel ecstasy running through my veins, and that every part of me loved that I could feel nothing but the rush of moving air.

After the Flying Fox, I crossed the marine bridge. This was not as scary as I thought, but it was a lot more difficult than I thought. Silly me did not bring walking shoes, thus I had to walk across it barefoot because i was positive that if I wore my scandals, it would drop into the abyss below. Kidding, there's no abyss, but not kidding about the dropping. I was more worried about making a fool out of myself than falling off the bridge, which in fact would be pretty humiliating, so I suppose I was afraid of that, but not for the same reasons a normal person would be afraid for. I could not bear the thought of getting my leg stuck on that bridge and go through the humiliating process of it all: 1) Everyone discovering your embarrassing predicament; 2) Everyone watching as you struggle to get out of your predicament; 3) Failing and looking like a fat cow; 4) Succeeding to get your right leg out only to discover that your left leg just fell in as well. I was lucky to not have looked like a fool out there. I was not scared at all, but the person in front of me seemed very nervous and kept shaking the bridge as she walked. Several times, it made me fall off balance. But it was a wonderful experience. For some reason, being stuck on a bridge with other people and having people on both sides watching, encouraging, discouraging, and laughing at you really forms a human bond. For that one hour I spent AT the marine bridge (I wasn't ON it for an hour), somehow, everyone learned my name, probably because Hera kept screaming it, which then caused everyone else to scream it. And it's very interesting, because I managed to influence everyone to speak in English, at least to the best of their abilities. All I did was complain to Hera in English and before I knew it, people were speaking to their Indonesian friends in English. For me, it was very interesting. I guess I am very impressionable, despite what country I am located in. After I was done, it was my turn to laugh as Hera stumbled around the bridge. We met some guy that kept shaking the bridge, or as Hera calls him, "crazy man." It was so hilarious when people are all bunched up together on the bridge, and people start shaking it from the ends, and the people on the bridge fall down like dominoes. Oh, it's the best.

After the marine bridge, I did some rapelling. It was my first time. All my new found friends from the marine bridge sure enjoyed watching me struggle.
"Haven't you ever watched S.W.A.T.?!"
"I'm not S.W.A.T."
"They do it in movies, you know!"
"Well, it sure looked easy in the movies!"
"Be like Spiderman!"
"I'm not a spider, nor a man, and I'm certainly not Spiderman!"
"You're suppose to be like, in a 'sleeping' position."
"I really don't feel like 'sleeping' on air this very moment."
I managed to overcome my reluctance to be almost perpendicular to the ground. It was very easy after that. Although there was a moment where I slipped and I was just hanging and bumping my fat head and ass on the rocks. I believe my exact words were, "Ow, aw man."

I'm too itchy to think of a title. Plus, I have to pee. Hey, this is a good title.

I just came back from my 3 day trip to Solo. Believe me, I've never been so excited to leave a place. For 3 days, I felt trapped in a very large boarding house with no one to talk to, and no place to run when the mosquitoes came flying after me. I felt like a sitting duck trying to ward off an army of blood suckers. On my second night in Solo, after being eaten alive (I swear, what the mosquitoes are doing, is not humane!), I decided to 40% DEET their mosquito asses! Well, it worked, I think. Although I've suffered a lot, there isn't one thing I would change. Since I've been in Indonesia, I've learned to take it all in and appreciate everything. Well, I don't look at an insect bite and think "This sure sucks, but I appreciate it, mosquito friends!" but I think "Although this sucks, I'm so blessed to be here in Indonesia. It is a small price to pay."

Last night, I saw my first full moon in Indonesia. Of course, full moons may have appeared more often during the duration I was here, but last night was the first time I noticed it. It reminded me of home. No matter where we are on Earth, everyone looks at the same moon. It's nice to have something so constant. It's like a souvenir from home that is always in your pocket, and it's something you can never lose or forget, which is a plus for clumsy people like me. In Solo, the night sky seemed so vast. In Indonesia, there is so much open land, no skyscrapers, just humble buildings that don't attempt to tower to the heavens. Then it hit me. I finally realized how far the heavens truly are, how incredibly vast the Earth truly is, and how small we are, like a microscopic particle in the greater universe. Sure we can do a bit of calculations, or build things thousands of times our size, or make little gadgets that make our lives easier. We have a bit of paper that we spend, we use it to buy useless things that make us temporarily happy. But ultimately, we are just small things. Who are we to ever be cocky? Who are we to ever be arrogant about ourselves? Our lives can never be eternal like the moon or our lives constant like the sunrise. We always try to find new ways to change the world we live in, but we still remain under the jurisdiction of the natural laws of the universe. Who are we to ever be so certain about anything other than that we can be certain about nothing?

Silly me, I still have not mentioned why I was in Solo. My school had a dance competition in Solo. I guess it's an annual thing. Every year, all the "disabled" schools in Central Java come and compete. There's music and dancing. Note that I quote "disabled" because that's what they call it here. In Indonesia, people don't spend their time trying to be politically correct. I suppose that's an American thing, always "spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror" (Jason Mraz song, yo!). Anyway, so I've been spending a lot of time with blind, deaf, and handicapped kids. They are really amazing. Sure others consider them physically disadvantaged, but these people can do things I can never do. They are not disadvantaged, they are just different.

I absolutely love my ibu and my bapak. I swear, my bapak and I are like two peas in a pod. We're both immature and spend too much time playing pranks on each other. You would think I would be homesick by now. Sure there are things I miss, but I'm too busy worrying about the little time I have left in Indonesia to think about returning to my life in the United States. I truly love this country, its people, and especially my host family. Some may say, "how can you love people you've only most recently met?" I say, "If love makes the world go round, why be so selfish with it?"

Blogger Mode

In the past few days, I've had so many things I wanted to share with the reader(s) of my blog (Reader Count: 1 - Myself). But tragedy struck, I lost my phone. I'm trying to not be so sad about it, but it's all I'm thinking about. I mean, I could have lost my passport! If I lost my passport, I would have wished "Oh man! I wish I lost my cell phone!" Or I could have lost my passport...at the airport. I would have wished "Oh man! I wish I lost my passport earlier!" Or I could have lost my camera. And then I would have thought "Oh man! I wish I lost my cell phone, the camera is much more valuable!" Or worse, I could have lost my memory card. I would have though "Oh man, I wish I lost my camera, the camera is replaceable!" Or I could have somehow lost my life, but then I don't know if I could wish I have lost something else. But as a living, breathing person right now, I am glad I didn't lose my life. I wouldn't know where to find another one. Ebay is selling a new Samsung A707 for $90.00. I would be worse off if I lost my wallet and it contained $91.00!!

Long story short, I'm trying to not be sad because it's only a phone. I might sound like an ass to some by saying "it's only a phone" like I'm some sort of richass. But I keep remembering what Tyler Durden said in Fight Club, "The things you own end up owning you." No way! The only thing I want to own me is my momma...and probably chemistry, but only because it's part of the natural laws of the universe.

Changing the World

I came here thinking that I would change or touch somebody's life in this country. But now I realized, it's me who is being changed.

I feel my heart opening up to the world. They told me that I always have to smile because it's polite and to not do so, would cause misunderstandings. It's pretty easy for me now. My smiles are genuine.

Bule! Bule!

Back from another long day exploring Semarang. It was my first time on a motorbike, and I loved it. Sure my ass hurt a bit on the rocky roads, but on both sides of me, I see ricefields, trees, grass, farmers fishing, and suddenly my ass doesn't seem to care so much anymore. He (sorry! I'm no good with Indonesian names) asked me if it's like this in my country. I told him no, this country is a lot more peaceful.

Played with some angry, greedy monkeys today! They are really eager for peanuts! We had to hike down the hill to see the waterfall and caves. I wanted to die! It never ceases to amaze me how the heat and all the uphill walking never fazes them! They are like super people! Or maybe it's Americans that really like to sit on their bottoms all day. Afterwards, we visited the Great Mosque in Semarang. And after that, we visited the beach. I've never seen so much clothing on a beach before, haha.

When I was deciding whether I should visit Indonesia or not, the travel warning for Americans really concerned me. On top of that, my parents and close friends warned me about Moslem extremists and I was crazy for an American to visit a Moslem country for so long. I've come to realize that it was all negative speculation from people who really don't know what they are talking about. I'm not saying to ignore the recent Jakarta hotel bombing or any other terrorism directed at Westerners in Indonesia, but it would be wrong to say that the entire country is hostile to Westerners. Since I've been here, I've met the kindest people I have ever met. I feel sad that I have to leave Dejavato and move in with my host family. It's only been less than a week, and I've grown so attached to this place. In fact, I've grown attached to the people I met today whom I toured Semarang with, especially the person whose jacket I've spent a good couple hours holding for dear life.

So there we were sitting outside the Mosque waiting for our friends to finish praying, which is pretty much the most Moslem place there is, and remained unharmed. Instead, people wanted to take picture with the "bule," or "white foreigner." Of course, they were not addressing me, but Maddy and Alexia. They were full of smiles. I swear, here in Semarang, being a "bule" will make you the most popular person around the area. So many funny stories.

Long story short, I've never been happier anywhere in my life.

We are #1! We are #1!

So I see a lot of these ads when I checking my Yahoo! mail. Interesting, isn't it? It's like everybody outside of the United States wants an opportunity to come in. I don't know how true that is, but it's pretty cocky to assume so, isn't it?