“Okay, Morgan. Look normal, look confused” I tell her. I set the camera on timer in front of the Oakland Main Public Library. I suppose it would appear quite odd, but Morgan and I can’t really define “odd” anymore. But we were reminded.
“Stop taking pictures,” whispered a girl to her friend.
We ignored them.
“You guys look hella stupid, stop taking pictures,” she said again. It was becoming more apparent that these comments were being directed toward us rather than her friend.
But they continued to walk and comment. They walked, we ignored. They continued walking and insulting until more walking would relieve us from their irritating sight. But they stopped. She turned to us and said assertively, “Stop taking pictures.”
I think it was the perfect time to apply the lines from my favorite Comcast commercial: You come stop it, stop it reeeeeaaaaaal good. But of course, instead, I said something plain like “You stop it.”
“What did you say to me, bitch?”
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My head: Oh, fuck.
Morgan’s head: I think she said it pretty clearly. :-\
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I quietly whisper to Morgan, “I think it’s time to go.” So we walk slowly to slightly mask our great desire to get away from this over-reactive girl with issues.
I whisper to Morgan, “Why did I say that? I said that on impulse.” She responds indifferently, “I knew you were going to say that. You always say something back.” “What?! Why didn’t you tell me to shut up?!”
“What did you say to me? Stop walking, bitch.”
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My head: Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.
Morgan’s head: What makes you think we’ll stop walking just ‘cause you told us to. Gosh, stop telling us to stop doing stuff! So dumb.
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We safely cross the street. We were wrong to think the traffic would stop her. She continues to tell us to stop walking. We continue walking until we reached the bus stop, where we would cowardly be in the company of three other people. After awhile, thinking that she may have calmed down, we turn to walk. I ask Morgan, “What are they doing?”
Morgan looks and calmly reports to me, “Well, one girl is running really fast on the street parallel to us. The other girl is not really doing anything.” I look.
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My head: Oh, fuck! Crazy bitch wants to intersect us. She’s serious.
Morgan: Why is she running?
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“Nevermind, Morgan. Let’s not go that way.” We walk back, and soon enough, she does as well.
“Okay, I can not lose my camera. I wouldn’t be so nervous if I wasn’t holding any valuables right now. We have to get out of here. Let’s take the bus.”
Morgan, “Aww, man. I don’t wanna use money.”
“We don’t have a choice, Morgan! Do you have two dollars on you?”
She briefly digs in her pockets. “No.”
I look at them again. She seems to be busy on the phone. A couple seconds later, I see a whole group of “wangster” guys circling her.
“Man! Morgan, can you believe we’re in this situation?”
“That girl is so bored. Can’t believe she called her guy friends out.”
“I know!”
“She’s so small, I bet I could beat her up if she didn’t have her boyfriends there,” Morgan nods in agreement with herself.
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My head: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What are we going to do? I can’t believe I’m going to get beat up by wangsters. What the fuck is this? Oh, my God.
Morgan: Man, I bet they wouldn’t mess with us if I called my guy friends out here. .v.
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“Okay, Morgan. We have to get on the bus, with or without money.”
The bus comes.
“Morgan, I’ll do the talking.”
We board. I pathetically ask the kind bus driver to give us a ride. I explain the situation to her. She saved my life.
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My head: Phew..
Morgan’s head: They’re lucky. I would have unleashed my hellish powers on them and touch them with my oil. They would scream.
Gordon Is Annoying
17 years ago

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